Posts Tagged ‘Ken Hells No’

Dead Crow Bourbon Beer

Posted: December 14, 2015 by Kenny in Craft, Imported
Tags: ,

deadcrowYou may have noticed that I have not been updating the list as often as I used to. Well, work is crazy busy and I don’t have the kind of time I used to to write up every beer I drink. OH, I still drink a lot of beer (as of this writing I’m at 1,423).

Now, since my time is limited, I have decided to only spend the time to write up really good beer, great experiences…or the most vile beers I try. This post, my friends, is that of the latter.

In my experience, when something says its Bourbon beer, it has been aged in bourbon barrels, or has had some portion of it infused with the essence of bourbon, direct from the source. So when I grabbed Dead Crow Bourbon beer, I was expecting more of the same.

The bottle was clear so I could see that it had a clear, dark orange colour to it, which is along the same lines as many Innis & Gunn, which are oak aged. I had no reason to believe that this beer was going to be the shit show it turned out to be.

After I poured it out, I took a smell; way too sweet to be bourbon. Let’s take a look at he the ingredients. I crap you not, this is how it went: Beer, Sugar, Bourbon Spirit, Flavoring. Are you for real? The first ingredient in this beer is…..beer? From where? What kind of beer?

Ok, benefit of the doubt, there are a lot of new fusion beers out there, like all the a-rita’s from Bud Light (notice there is no link to them……) and the new thing it to make beer cocktails (never) so maybe these guys are just ahead of the game.

No Dice. One sip and I cringed. It was way too sweet. It was like sugar water.
egger

It only took another sip for me to decide this was one of the worst beers I’ve ever tried. Congratulations Dead Crow, you have found yourself in a very special group; Beer Ken did not finish. Make room Ghost Face Killah, Ghosttown Stout, Leifman’s GoudenbandDragon Stout and Spring Bock.

Country of Origin: England
Alcohol Content: 5.5%
Sequence: First
Finished: No
Vessel: Kitchen sink

 

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ghost-faceMark:

When I first bought this beer at Total Wine, the lady at the cash asked me if I was sure I wanted it…this was the only beer she questioned out of the 100+ I was buying, that should have been my first warning. This beer is made with 6 varieties of chilies: jalapeno, habanero, fresno, anaheim, serrano and the insane Ghost Pepper, which is 200 times hotter than the jalapeno. It is the hottest beer on the planet!

I love hot food, and growing up in the Caribbean, have tasted really hot food. I have eaten food where Ghost Peppers are used to provide spice. I could handle this. Ken, on the other hand, well, I figured it would be funny.

We knew this beer would be bad, but nothing could have prepared us for what this ‘beer’ is…I am starting to question if this was just created as a cruel joke.

I have tasted bear spray, it was a drunken dare years ago (not as many as I wish). If you don’t know what bear spray is, it is STRONGER than police issue pepper spray. This beer was worse!

I have no idea what it tasted like other than pain. DO NOT DRINK THIS BEER!!! It really was horrible, made you feel sick just smelling it. I drank about half of mine and Ken got through about a third of his, we agreed NEVER AGAIN.

Afterwards, we decided to do a little research on this ‘beer’. Many websites showed different stories about it, they were all entertaining. I read one that said the beer was made without the rapper’s consent, and after a legal discussion, the deal was made that Twisted Pine could use the name in exchange for free beer…for life!

Some websites I read said this beer should not be drank, but rather cooked with. That makes sense to me, and the ones that did say to drink it said share a bottle between at least 4 people…DAMN!

All told, never again, but at least we can say we did it!

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Ken:

Unavailable for comment

Country of Origin:  United States
Alcohol Content:  5%
Sequence:  Ninth
Finished:  Hells NO
Vessel:  Glass by way of Satan!

 

Liefmans Goudenband

Posted: June 9, 2014 by Kenny in Craft
Tags: , ,

goudenbandThis beer has been sitting in the fridge since before we left for Florida in March, so I think it’s nice and cold now. I figured, a day full of drinking random things in the fridge is a good time to try this one.

It’s all wrapped up in pretty blue paper and looked real fancy. It looked, from the outside, like a saison or a wheat beer. Don’t ask me why, I just figured it was. It would be a great beer to drink in the blazing heat. Once unwrapped, I read that it’s a provision ale. What the hell is that?

Whatever it was, it poured out pale brown and had lots of floaties in it. It smelled like raisins or prunes, not appealing at all. It tasted even worse. I got watered down alcoholic prune juice. Of those last five words, I only like one! (OK, maybe I do like juice too) My oldest brother tried it and he actually liked it. He seems to like the stuff that is nasty, he’s strange.

This, my friends, was the first beer since GhostTown Stout in October that we haven’t finished. I hope the tree liked what was left.

Country of Origin:  Belgium
Alcohol Content:  8%
Sequence:  Fourth
Finished:  Us – no; the tree – yes
Vessel:  Glass by way of bottle

 

Vuuve

Posted: May 29, 2014 by Kenny in Imported
Tags: , , ,

vuuveSunday afternoon and we were doing a bunch of stuff inside because it was raining. I wanted a beer that would lift my spirits and make me happier. I wanted a wit bier.  The only one that was in the fridge is this one that Mark grabbed in Florida.

The label said the usual rhetoric of coriander and oranges and blah blah blah.  It poured out cloudy yellow-orange in colour and had a huge head. Right away I knew this was going to be a Ken no like. It smelled skunky and sour. I checked the label to make sure it wasn’t old and saw that it was bottled in February of this year. Great, so it’s supposed to smell like this.

The smell came from the fact that it was sour and skunky. It was probably one of the worst tasting beers that I’ve had in years. With each sip I made a pucker face as I forced it down. The wife told me to dump it, but NO! I shall try to finish it.

I did, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to her.

The only redeeming thing from this beer is the logo looks like boobs. Maybe that’s why Mark bought it.

Country of Origin: Belgium
Alcohol Content: 5%
Sequence:  First
Finished: Yes
Vessel:  Glass by way of bottle